That was actually one of the worst waits... in part because I didn't feel well, and in part because I could hear people talking about various things to include a high pitched old lady say, "Yes," and, "I don't think he can hear you," and, "Yes," and, "His hearing isn't too good today." You might think that something as benign as a couple helping each other out might be comforting to me; however, in the preceding week and a couple of days I've known about this procedure, I've received a lot of different accounts of what to expect and what is going to happen, as well as other people's experiences and, truth told, I was not (exactly) eager to lay on the table and have the doctor and nurses and technicians do anything to me.

Especially after the first nurse put the I/V into my and it was still hurting and kind of bleeding around the insertion point.

The wait ended as a nurse or technician (I never bothered to have it distinguished for me) came into the waiting room and had me follow him into the operating room. He had me lie on a table and another nurse put monitors on me as the first attached an I/V line from a drip bag and proceeded to set things up. At the same time my GI doctor was already there and started asking me questions which seemed to mirror the questions everyone else had asked me, "When was the last time you had something to drink?" "Did you follow the laxative regiment?" and yadda.

On a side note, as of right this second, the laxative regiment is, perchance, the worst thing I have ever done. By the time I was done I couldn't even think about the liquid without physically becoming ill; and I was so cold I had to pull out the hot pad and stick it up under the sweater I put on to try and trap the heat my body was generating. On top of it, the liquid was clear and (allegedly) flavored (allegedly because I am the one who added the flavoring) and tasted like something strange and thick and coating and weird. You take 8 ounces every ten minutes for three hours and, I gotta tell you, I don't know if having information (possibly life saving) is worth the hassle and the disgusting feeling that comes with that laxative. On top of which, I spent half the night in the bathroom and the other half the night wishing my body was ready to return to the bathroom.

Back to the surgical center... the first nurse suggested that if I ever have to do that again, I should mix the laxative with something else. She actually suggested sodas and when I said I don't drink sodas but a fruit juice cocktail might work she just smiled and jumped back into her questions.

After the GI doctor was done with his questions the second nurse/technician asked him, "Do you need to speak to him anymore?" and, since I didn't hear anything, he must've shook his head indicating, "No," because the nurse/technician injected something into the drip line, which stung as it entered my arm, and then my nose felt itchy and I could smell something acrid. When I asked, "What did you just do?" The nurse said, "It might sting a little."

I said, "I can smell something..."

"Oh, if you can smell it its practically to your brain...." and that was it.

The next thing I know, and not even clearly, is Erin next to me. According to her, I was talking, somewhat incoherently, for a while and making her laugh. Throughout the rest of the day I'd say something and she would respond, "You already told me that." I would then asked when, and, her answer was always when I was waking up in the surgical center.

I guess one of the things that really caught my attention was that, which still coming out of whatever I was under I insisted Erin take a book she is reading out to my mom while I woke up and she was beside me and other things happened... to include the doctor coming and showing Erin some pictures from my stomach that indicates I had an ulcer in my stomach that is now scar tissue and healed, and to prescribe some medication for me to take twice a day, and finally to set up a follow-up appointment. Since no one was speaking to me, or if they were I don't have any recollection of it, I am out of the loop on what the doctor said...

...That is, except to say that he doesn't think it is Crohn's Disease or Celica and that he is leaning (heavily) toward IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) with some kind of food intolerance, possibly (if I am lucky) a carbohydrate intolerance. Some of this is (actually) inferred from what Erin told me and from the appointment I had with the doctor a week and some ago.

However, most of the day, yesterday, was very fuzzy for me. I don't remember going home; I don't remember sitting for a couple of hours talking to my mom; I don't remember Erin going out and getting the medication or other things; and I don't remember laying down for a nap or the nephews and niece and sister and brother all showing up or pizza arriving or much of anything else.

One of the negative side effects of whatever they did to me was that I was completely lost most of the day and night. Knowing that I have a test today (or tomorrow, and right this second, it will be taken tomorrow morning) and knowing I had homework to do, I tried to study and do the homework but my mind was not accepting of new information or even old information and it was like forcing my way through a rather thick brick wall. Truth told, my night really ended up consisting of me watching TV and staring at my computer as I tried, valiantly (I will interject), to study and get things done. None of which, to my today estimation, actually happened.

All in all, the experience was okay. Other than an odd feeling in my throat and bum and wondering when I had an ulcer (probably my Layton days), everything seems to be okay and yesterday really was a throw away day. I would share art, specifically pictures from the experience, by I didn't get any and I don't think Erin asked for any; well, that and I don't really know that I want to upload files even if I did have them; but, truth told, the question by the professor the other day, "Why would you choose to have that done?" seems very pertinent to my situation.

John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West

Real Heroes Fly

Some announcements:

I go in for the colonoscopy and endoscopy tomorrow morning. The doctor told me to expect about 30 minutes for both procedures, the nurses and paperwork indicate it will be about three hours. The line I am enjoying the most is: You will be sedated so that you are comfortable. I don't know what that means as the doctor, again, said I would be put out while this was going on and everyone I've spoken to (who's had the procedure(s)) indicates that you are (at least partially) awake for the whole thing - regardless of which end.

Erin won an Xbox360 Elite last week. This is cool. It has (now) taken the place of the DVD player and Sony Playstation 2. We are now down Guitar Hero, but will buy another copy of the game (for the Xbox) when I've sold Guitar Hero. The problem I am encountering, though, is that I have to get PayPal to restart my merchant account with them (apparently someone might've possibly tried accessing it) so I can list both devices online.

Erin had a baby shower last night. My mom, both sisters, and the sisters-in-law, and the large majority of the ten grandchildren (like seven of them) all showed up at Emily and Jared's house. Thanks Emily. You rock for hosting and planning the event. It was cool to see all these little people squirming and crawling about and playing together, though the accompanying headache was a lot less than desirable. Erin tells me she had a wonderful time (I was transportation as Jared and Emily don't live in an intuitive place to get to) and the outcome would suggest we are expecting a boy - especially with all the blues and greens I saw. Erin's mom, Lisa, sent a blanket she'd made that was totally cool looking and felt nice. All of these items get to go into baby storage until (at least) the beginning of June when we are scheduled to clean out the office to make a nursery.

Tonight and tomorrow I am pretty much useless when it comes to doing much of anything. Tonight I get to drink laxative every ten to fifteen minutes for three hours. The doctors office gave me a large bottle complete with something powderish on the bottom AND flavoring to make it drink better. According to the paperwork they sent home with me, I will probably feel bloated (what's new???) and sick until everything starts to pass.

This means that I am stuck to the house tonight and, from what people tell me, won't be good for a whole lot tomorrow night. I talked to the one professor I have tomorrow and told him what was happening, briefly, he asked: "How old are you?" I told him. He said, "Why would you choose to get this done at your age?"

I said, "I didn't choose to get it done, I am allowing it to happen. I may have," and then I listed the potential digestive disorders, "and the doctor is going in to determine which one. He thinks I might have Crohn's Disease."

The professor then assured me he would allow me to make up the quiz and I left to go to Logic.

Interestingly, I keep thinking there is a theoretical purpose to logic that I've not been introduced to (yet???) where I can take these rules and apply them into other areas. I don't know how to explain what I mean, other than we talk about logic as a method of intuiting solutions to problems. Case in point, the school I work for (college is technically under university, BYU is a university, Humanities is a college, English is a department; technically, as an English major, I attend the College of Humanities in the English Department at BYU) has several departments all of whom have messed up link bars, many of which multi-link to the same place. It's pretty messed up. After fixing a different problem with a page, where the schools editor (yes, this school as a designated editor) wanted it to follow the rules of print publication, which influence online publication only, for material online which, in turn, caused an interesting conversation that ended in my redoing the entire page rather than one aspect of the page.

The things we do.

Yesterday I started to learn PHP. My boss asked one of the guys I work with directly to teach a class on Tuesday's and, according to the coworker, we should be able to start putting together PHP pages next week. The group came up with some ideas, but I think I may start down the slippery slope of my own idea that has, of last count, eleven separate sections that would need to be programmed and integrated, with each section having about three to four subsections.

Essentially, it comes out of frustration where I look at the processes we have in play in the department and how projects are divied and assigned; the outcome was that I saw a lot of wasted energy-slash-effort with a lot of issues going completely unresolved. Truth told, I was interested in seeing this process streamlined to the point that we were using one application to track email (or communication), bugs, knowledgebase, issues, a blog, as well as projects, requests, tasks, time, and more. Which then dictates that if you can create dynamic programs through PHP, you should be able to combine all of these things into a single data source where customers can request projects, the projects can be assigned to someone, that same person can track email and communication through a central source, and all of this is tied together in a single point-of-interface.

Whether or not this gets off the ground, I don't know. There is some paid work time that is designated for me to learn PHP and put it into actual application. I have a guy that is pretty good at the programming language already; and I can see extensions of the idea into the desktop environment with socketed links into the online interface.

Part of the motivation for all of this is ease of accessibility and transparency. I am of the school of thought that ease of accessibility to information and transparency of policy, procedure, and process all promote good business and personal practices. The outcome to all of this is that I want to see this implemented in a way that will allow me to do what I need to do (at work) as well as promote personal interests (freelance, contract, and personal writing) and to help others achieve similar goals. Truth told, with a few changes, I can see this application moving in the direction of some comments I've made about other application, integrating some of my critiques in an entirely new environment.

With all that said, I don't know if I will have or can find the time to do anything I can see in my head. Maybe I can find someone through one of the many websites I lurk in that is willing to do some of the coding at $12.00/hour.

John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West

Real Heroes Fly

Which, truthfully, has been rather a good opportunity for me to get some stuff done, mainly homework, that is being shoved into a term (8 weeks) rather than a semester (16 weeks) and requires me to get really good grades.

As I was completing the reading for Deductive Logic last night a group of (mostly) men swarmed the area where I was sitting. This was the point I was thinking of extracting my computer and starting Scrivener to work through some ideas I've had on a story. Anyway, I ignored most of these men because, well, they were physically unnattractive, loud, had opinions on everything from the Utah Department of Motor Vehicles to the lasting negative legacy an Obama presidency would have on the country that, coupled with noise along the lines of people who just talk to talk and not to be heard, and who are intentionally, vocally, and loudly offensive and want to be that way, I'd decided to ignore whatever was happening around me.

And then I saw it.

The covered Go stone bowls I've been coveting. Well, not really coveting since I rarely look for them. I did want a pair of ceramic bowls for the black and white stones; but never actually got around to finding what I thought would work and so, have my Go stones sitting on a shelf, in the boxes they came in, in the front room when Erin would prefer them to be in the office on a shelf with the "other" games.

Regardless of my reasons, the stones remain where they are.

I asked the man about his bowls and he was polite in telling me where he got them... and his Go board, and after several minutes of discussion, decided to ask if I wanted to play, with him, a game of Go.

You have to understand, I've played, MAYBE, a handful of games of Go. I generally, when the technology exists, have a version running on my PDA or computer, computer being the more likely home, but otherwise, and other than, playing with Andy or one of my nephews, and then only playing a variant called First Capture, I've never really played and never gotten to the point where I felt I knew a lot about the game.

So I agreed.

We sat down and started to play. I was offered, and accepted, a handicap and then the older gentleman started to teach me the basic strategy of Go.

It was interesting because I knew that Go is a game of territory. The objective for YOU is to gather as much uncontested territory as possible. However, that is the same objective for the opponent. To gain territory you want your areas to be as black or as white, depending on which stone you are playing, as possible. The outcome is that if you don't create defenses internally, then it is possible for the other stones to capture all of yours and you will lose.

I did lose. But not without having a pretty good education on how the game is supposed to be played and some strategy, as well as a whole slew of Chinese (not sure which independent dialect) words that mean my piece is in jeopardy or that something else is likely to happen. Regardless, the outcome was pretty fun and I got to meet a few new people (even though there were a couple of dozen sitting and playing) at least one of whom decided that the next time I am there we should play a game.

One piece of advice, from someone I'd intended to ignore, was to, as quickly as I can, lose 100 games so I have an idea of what strategy means in the game of Go. I wonder, honestly, whether or not I should start that counting last night or if that counting started some years ago when I got my first PDA with Go on it and I started losing soundly and unknowingly. Truth told, I think it starts with the basic understanding of strategy and moves forward from there.

John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West

Real Heroes Fly

John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West

Real Heroes Fly

The plus side was that I didn't have any long-term damage to the esophagus, there is no cancer (one of the side effects of Acid Reflux) and a prescription of Prilosec has helped immensely. Yippe-kay-ay little campers.

Anyway, in my discussion with the doctor yesterday he asked about the Acid Relux and eventually asked whether or not I was taking the medicine in the morning. I informed him that the doctor who prescribed the medicine told me it could be taken at night before bed (as that is a consistent time for me) and he responded, "No, no, no, no. That is not how it is to be taken."

He then proceeded to outline for me the proper method of taking Prilosec for Acid Reflux. Essentially, you take it thirty minutes (to an hour) before you eat in the morning. What this does is get the medicine absorbed into the bloodstream and then you east something which causes the acid pumps to turn on, that in turn allows the inhibitors (the medicine) to go into action. This is supposed to make me feel better, Acid Reflux wise, sooner.

The reason this becomes an entry is that I followed the doc's directions I woke up this morning with a couple of things I've not dealt with for a while: sick, painful feeling in lower right abdomen and the feeling of the Acid Reflux in the back of my mouth. Fun fun. There is a good possibility that these are merely coincidental with what the doctor will be anal probing me for next week (note to self, call insurance company to get them to pre-authorize procedure); however, I think there is probably more of a relationship here than meets the eye (or it does meet the eye and you are a transformers fan and... moving on).

On the flipside of the whole situation, having the colonoscopy and endoscopy is actually becoming a mentally prevalent aspect to my life. I spent some time (working at Barnes and Noble while Erin was in class because I am driving her to school and home) thinking about it and realizing that for the first time in my life I am concerned not only for myself, but for Erin and 'little camper'. Sure, there should be nothing to worry about, this is a common procedure that they also have to put me out for, but that doesn't change the nature of thinking, "What if...?"

Regardless, the procedure will take place next week, I will be put out, Erin will sit (and hopefully read something or do something) and I will wake up and head home and recover for a bit. I expect that the doctor will have some answers and, the eventual outcome, may be medication to help with the effects of Crohn's Disease.

What was interesting to me, today, was that I changed my medication strategy and am feeling a bit under the weather.

John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West

Real Heroes Fly

After the last bout (20 minutes plus in a stall in the McKay Building waiting for traffic to die down, then walking to my car, and then driving home and cleaning myself, putting on new clothes, and then waiting hours for Imodium to kick in so I could do anything) I took the advice of the people in my life and scheduled a doctor's appointment. The doctor listened, did some things (I won't go into graphic detail), ran some tests, mostly blood, but also included defacating into cups over a couple of days, and then being sent to a gastroenterologist.

The visit to the GI (short for gastroenterologist, don't ask me how or why) was today. I showed up about 30 minutes early knowing I was going to a new doctor and wanted to make sure that forms and documents and insurance were all taken care of. As a result, I was in to see the doctor about ten minutes before my scheduled appointment and the doctor came in about five minutes early as well. He sat down, looked at the information sent over from the BYU Health Center and then asked a lot of questions about what was going on with me.

One part of this conversation was my diet change about three years ago. I indicated a belief that I might be Celiac, that a doctor had tested me for two of the four markers, and since then I have been a pretty strict wheat-free diet. As a result, since I am not eating wheat my body is not producing the anti-bodies that would exist if I were Celiac. The doctor listened, was actually very surprised that I was not only on a wheat-free diet, but had been on one for this long.

Part of me expected to hear that I would have to take in some grams of wheat a day for the next month and have another test to eliminate Celiac Disease.

For those that don't know, Celiac Disease is a condition where the small intestines attack wheat or wheat based foods (starch, wheat, gluten, etc.) and as a result, destroy the small fingerlike celia in the small intestine. The outcome is two-fold: first, your body stops absorbing the nutrients from food which, in turn, causes a lot of other problems; and second, you begin losing weight, your body stops accepting other foods and you end up getting sick.

In my case, the problems occurred after a very tense time when I had to deal with a sexual harassment complaint (I opened the complaint against someone else) which is, often, one of the causes for Celiac to present itself. On top of that I had abdominal pains, diahrea, and other problems. For these reasons, and more, I stopped eating wheat after seeing a doctor who (again, three years ago) tested for two of the four markers and then declared that if I felt better not eating wheat I should just not eat wheat.

Well, according to the GI specialist (gastroenterologist) he didn't think I was Celiac and was reticent to add that to my medical history because I could be one of two other things that present in a very similar way: wheat intolerant, carbohydrate intolerant.

The big difference between an intolerance and Celiac disease is, believe it or not, which one causes cancer. Granted, they may all present in exactly the same way, but Celiac Disease has a tendency to become stomach and intestinal cancer if the diet is not changed; where intolerances are just that, your body doesn't like what you're eating, but also doesn't stop you from eating things - though eating wheat based items can cause discomfort (in my case pain).

Instead of focusing on Celiac, the doctor decided that my symptoms were more along the lines of Crohn's Disease. Crohn's Disease is an abnormality in the intestines that causes them to not sync properly. Essentially the intestines are a series of muscles that push the food through while absorbing nutrients. What this does is cause the body to not function in a way that allows nutrients to be absorbed properly or the body to function all that comfortably.

In any outcome, the gold standard in testing for all of these problems comes in the form of a colonoscopy and an endoscopy. Essentially, I am going in for an anal probe. Actually, they will be scoping and biopsing from both directions. From what I've read and heard these are extremely painful procedures, so I will be put under (sleep) while they are being done. The doctor said they would last about 30 minutes and that my entire time under should be less than two hours.

This does not mean I can drive away from the out-patient facility on my own, which is why Erin is going with me. She has admitted to being a little scare for me. I am not exactly at ease with this. Having and endoscopy and a colonoscopy sounds like something that does not even resemble fun. I guess I should be glad that I will not be awake.

The outcome is going to be a pretty satisfactory understanding of what has been causing me problems for about four years. What is a pleasant side-effect of finally seeing doctors and having BYU Student Insurance is the chance to actually meet with a GI and have him determine what my problem(s) is. The outcome may remain that I keep the current wheat-free/Celiac diet, or I may find that I get to experiment with foods and can start seeing what causes what kinds of reactions inside of me. Truth told, I think I will find that I am more comfortable with a wheat-free diet; but I won't know until after everything happens next week and then the doctor has had time to do whatever he needs to do and then tells me whatever it is he thinks based off of the evidence, symptoms, and other things.

John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West

Real Heroes Fly

This is actually very exciting.

Apart from that, I've had some thoughts after reading Kurt Vonnegut's rules for writing. There are eight of them. One of his rules: Start as close to the end as possible. After I read that I began to reflect on the various books I've read where they end up going into series and those series don't (really) appear to have any kind of definable ending. Kim Harrison write a compelling series of stories that, when I first started reading them, felt more like candy than anything with substance, and they can be read that way, but after the last couple of books there is not only depth to the series (evidenced earlier in the books) but also a direction she is taking the reader. I don't see her being like Xanth author Pierce Anthony and plopping out another novel every year about the same world, updating it with new and mundane, or not mundane, characters; but really as a series that can be read, each book on its own, or as a deepening mystery into something far more... sinister.

Another one of Vonnegut's rules was: Every character should want something, even if it is just a glass of water. That is an interesting rule, and possibly a good rule of thumb. Thinking about that, no character should be introduced for any length of time without him/her needing or wanting something. Erin was reading The Count of Monte Christo the other night and read off a passage to me that was funny, but completely out of place. I asked, "What character says that?" she gave me a name, and then I said, "I don't know who that is." She repeated the name and then admitted that she had no idea who or what that character was either. This interchange does not mean that the character doesn't hold some role; it is an illustration of an author, Dumas, inserting something into the book that might have been better coming from a different character who actually has a purpose in the story.

Ayn Rand, pretty quickly, in her book Atlas Shrugged has Francisco in a room playing with marbles when Dagne knows he is more driven and intelligent than he is acting. In this context, the character is expressing his disinterest and trying to convey the principles John Gault promotes.

Another rules is: Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages. This is an interesting rule and one I think I am at odds with. I mean, a religious person prays, receives inspiration about direction, and then heads off on their own. They, often, have little to go on but faith and faith sometimes fails them.

In real life, we often don't have enough information to make decisions, move on to the next stage, or even not screw things up pretty royally. Granted, the information and experience we have (incidentally the definition for hope) is enough that we don't really screw things up, but the potential always exists. I find it interesting (and necessary) that the author of a story, according to Vonnegut's rules, is meant to tell as much as possible as soon as possible, and leave out the suspense. Suspense is far overrated, but even a well crafted introduction to what you are writing about should be enough to hint at where you are going and how.

It is interesting to read about how other people write. For Vonnegut, this was his method. Write, tell, make sure everyone has a purpose, and be a sadist about writing. I've actually come across many articles and books where this is true. Having a hard time with what comes next, cause a problem, drop the protagonist and crew into a pit-o-lava, and etc. The outcome, often, is moving the story forward. The author of Ella Enchanted (Gail Carson Levine) was on campus and her way of working through a snag in writing is, literally, to simply cause havoc on her characters.

When you really think about stuff like that, though, isn't that how life is. You are going along, la-di-da, and then BAM!!!! you are broadsided by a car going too fast for the dry weather conditions and your car is totaled (note: my car was totaled sitting by its lonesome in front of our house; I have been in an accident where there was a broadsiding, though, memory hints it was the car I was in that did the broadside and not the car that ran the red light because he couldn't stop in time and didn't bother to try and give himself more time). You don't have money, you need a car, and your car is dead to the world. This is the example of sadism that comes into writing. It is unexpected, sometimes tragic, and the characters still have to move toward the end of the scene, book, or whatever.

I think one other example of this is a stage play where they were meant to use a gun at one point, early in the play the gun went off early, it was pointing at the main character, who, in response to a gun going off and pointing at him, fell over dead. The cast had to (in part) improvise around his part for the rest of the play. True story, but still an example of what happens when you throw in the wrath of Gebus into the mix and not care about your character (regardless of how approachable or likable... I wonder if that is how J.K. Rowling wrote this way?).

Regardless, the outcome is pretty standard. Good. Bad. Good. Bad. ad infinitum.

I am sure there is more to this, an essay on Vonnegut's writing rules and life, I mean, for example, if you are a writer and, say, in your life you are starting as close to the end as possible, drug use and alcohol would probably go a long way to making sure the end was as close to the beginning as possible; though, connecting this to not abusing the readers time is pretty hard as the drunk, stoned people I've known in my life have a tendency to, well, be wastes of my time when they are stoned and drunk. I did read Slaughterhouse-5 and didn't mind it and it felt a lot like the rantings of someone who needed more sleep, though the writing (as far as I am able to tell) did follow the eight rules.

John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassanadra West

Real Heroes Fly

John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West

Real Heroes Fly

You see, this theory dictates that age and maturity are pretty intermingled. As a result, when you combine the two and realize that part of maturity is education and that education is a combination of real education (schooling) and applied education (experiences) the outcome is that you can grow and mature in many different ways. For a minority of people that growth comes through advanced formal education in colleges and universities.

The outcome of a formal education is an increased potential for income. There are variables where this does not work: desire, location, and more. But for the most part, the outcome is the more education you have, the better your earning potentials are.

As my intent is to write professionally, and I plan to partially complete this by gaining more education (MFA-writing) as well as teaching others to write both exposition and creative. Within the field (writing) most authors become successful in their thirties. Some exceptions can exist; but for most people, they will spend their twenties attempting to hone and, in small ways, improve and perfect their writing skills. This is an extension to maturity.

In this sense, maturity consists of experience, education, and age.

Age is an important tool when determining what the capabilities of an individual are. The younger someone is, the less likely that person is to handle a lot of responsibility and the more likely it is for that same individual to believe they can do more than they are able. As you grow older, the inverse of this becomes true as the individual becomes more likely to handle more responsibility and less willing to accept opportunities to deal with more information or new responsibilities. Some people develop the ability to continue accepting information and responsibility, as they grow older; while on the other hand, some people refuse both when they are young.

One element of youth is the belief that they can do anything and, frequently, that they know more than they really do. Experience has a negative impact to knowledge in that it relegates those who are older into a category where they have to realize and identify they know less and less in the overall schema. There is no coincidence that many of the greatest movements in theoretical thought came when the theorists were young: Darwin, Newton, Nash, Einstein, and more. In some cases, these decisions caused the untimely death of the individual.

Science isn't the only arena where achievements were made when young. The Beatles, but most especially John Lenin and Paul McCartney, wrote much of the greatest musical works of the 20th century. Authors often write their best works on their first published novels and often when they are (relatively) young. Beethoven, Mozart, and many other classical musicians wrote their greatest works when they were young. As the artist grows older, though, the creative juices don't stop flowing, they are more focused; though that artist is less likely to experiment and push the envelope of their chosen field.

People are truly creative for a short period of time. Once that time elapses, though their innate ability is not lessened, their level of unique creativity is used up and they no longer push the fields they are in. The investment, monetarily, in youth allows the individual to increase his our her wealth over the long run; and in some cases, wealth is derived from at a much younger age; however, a required investment in ones youth is necessary to receive benefits and rewards in the autumn and winter of life.

Repeat performances of past work, or becoming a workhorse producer, does not negate the investment; it does however suggest that the individual has found a niche and is manipulating it. Scientists, mathematicians, musicians, artists, writers, and more all create great works when they were young and then spend the rest of their lives working through what made them famous, what set them on their path, either in the hopes of repeating success or advancing that success forward.

Success in not limited to the young. Those who spend their lives pursuing a certain kind of success will find it, though that success is often muted. In its muted form, recognition often comes in the twilight of the individual's life or after death. However, the outcome is not so much that the individual has not found some form of perfection, he or she is merely striving to define that perfection in some form or another.

The nature of the growth curve is that you allow yourself to pursue your dreams, remain steadfast in your designs and desires, and move forward in a path that allows you to eventually accomplish something. Regardless of the obstacles, eventually, if the individual is actually persistent in the actual goal, success will follow. In some cases, this success will be monetary, in other cases, success only comes in the form of doing what you set out to do. Success is quantifiable only in the sense that you can see the outcome of your labors.

In the theoretical sense, success is an element of improving, aging, gaining experience, and asserting that experience within a strictly defined area of life.

John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West

Real Heroes Fly

What urked me, though, was that we would begin talking about a simple principle and before you knew it, two or three different people would leap into the melee talking about other forms of reasoning and trying to dictate (to the professor) that the class was going to take in the discussion. I took it upon myself to return to the basis of the discussion, deductive arguments, and whether or not they were valid or invalid. I didn't care, and don't care (too much), about the nature and tone of other philosophical reasoning, I am in the class to learn about Logic.

Now, as that is said, Philosophy is the study of a way or form of thinking. Logic is an offshoot of that, in that it helps form up specific kinds of arguments. A mathematical proof, and by extension all proofs, are deductive in origin; which really means that deduction takes a series of statements that all point to a specific conclusion. Since we were talking at a very basic level (I love basics) a proof might consist of something like:

All schnauzers are dogs.
All dogs are mammals.
Therefore, all schnauzers are mammals.

This is a valid argument. Because to be a schnauzer means you are a dog. Dogs are definitely held within the classification (general) of mammal, though there are some sub-categories that can be applied as well. Which means the conclussion: Schnauzers are mammals, is true and valid.

What a conversation at this level, very simple, does not (and really should not) encounter is a discussion that jumps into other areas of philosophical study. Yes, some classes are designed to explore the relationship of ideas. However, for most students, this idea should be a new concept and should allow for the group, as a whole, to learn that concept collectively.

Not everyone, based off of the actions of some classmates, would agree with that. They wanted to apply this to the greater subject: philosophy; and how this application might help them deal with the major course of emphasis.

One outcome, though, was a level of disregard by these members of the class for (what I believe was) the majority who were interested in building a solid foundation of understanding for a subject so that as we discuss proofs and other aspects of logic, the outcome is a firm understanding and grasp of the material. This was, in part, done because the professor (did I mention he was rather young???) was able to direct the comments and conversations back to the topic at hand; but also failed in that he allowed some discussion to go on that had nothing to do with the immediate course of study.

As a result, I think I need to name a new class of people. These individuals reminded me of some people I know and giving this class a person's name might be offensive; but being able to state: Idiot Savant's; helps to shorted the needed description of what a person really is or is doing (in that context).

Erin tells me that some people take classes (like this) in order to show the world that they know more about the subject matter than everyone else - especially in the philosophy department. This is great. I think you should stand on the shoulder's of other people who've done the same thing and shout out your superiority to the world. Because, truth told, I am in these classes to learn something and if I am making an effort I expect my efforts to be rewarded.

Onward and upward.

John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West

Real Heroes Fly

The oddity:

Take my age: 34 and then separate the numbers 3 and 4. Add those two numbers together: 3+4 and you get 7.

Now, take Erin's age: 25 and then separate the numbers 2 and 5. Add those two numbers together: 2+5 and you get 7.

That was odd, though not really the oddity. Seven and the Hebrew number for perfection, by the by, is a coincidence.

However, move back one year, 33 and 24 and the numbers equal six. Go forward ten six years, 40 and 31 and the numbers equal 4. It didn't matter what years you took, the difference in age between Erin and I is such that the sum of the first digit and the second digit of our ages equals the same number.

And this year is the Hebrew number for perfection.

That is, until you eclipse 200 years old. And then I discovered something interesting. Once we are both in our 200's, the system works again; however, if you assume that all ages are two numbers and my age is 201 while Erin's would be 192 and you separate the ages into 20+1 and 19+2 both equal 21. Whereas, 2+0+1 equals 3 and 1+9+2 equals 12. This rule is true when you move into your 100's as well.

Granted, I made no major scientific discovery here. No one is going to write a proof based off of the age difference between Erin and I. As we considered it, it only works at our current age different. Any other (18 year difference and etc) and the numbers don't pan out.

What made this interesting, in part, to me was that I have spent a long time looking, waiting for my bride (Erin and then I found her, or she found me. You decide. Regardless, our ages are at a perfect difference that allows us to be equal in one area (the sum of the two parts of our individual ages), which, in turn, is really cool.

Of course, Erin's brother is dating a girl and he said, "I'm 21. 2+1 is three. She's 20. 2+0 is 2. It doesn't work for us." True, true, you do have to have the distance in age that Erin and I have for it to work which means, for the majority of people I know who are married (I can think of one possible exception - not shared here) they won't have this happen for them.

Just thought I'd share.

John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West

Real Heroes Fly

And in practice this is relatively true.

For example, this morning as I drove into school-slash-work I listened to a report on Mayday protests that take place (annually) in Los Angeles. Last year the protest turned violent as protestors threw rocks and bottles at the police and the police responded by clearing the park with batons and rubber bullets. No one was safe. Not even the press. The audio for the report consisted of a female voice, non-native English speaker, repeating, "You can't do that! You can't do that!"

The reason behind the Mayday protest is to bring to light the needs, desires, and plights of immigrants to the United States. Because this is L.A., many of these immigrants are going to be illegals who crossed over and are trying to find work in the United States, in part, because the kinds of jobs they would've worked in Mexico no longer exist.

NPR, the other week, also reported that NAFTA (North American Free Trade Agreement) changed the way in which agriculture works in the United States, Canada and Mexico. In the United States, we subsidize the agriculture industry. As a result, you make more as a farmer in this country than can be made working in Canada or Mexico. Because of government subsidies in the U.S. the agriculture industry in Mexico has all but died because farmers in Mexico cannot afford to compete with the people in the United States.

One of the principle issues that remain on the national radar is what to do about illegal immigrants. Under G.W., we have opened many and varied ways for illegal's to become legal. In short, many people are made citizens simply because they don't get caught and its easier to change the numbers by making those who break the law into a group that is legal. This group has also become the laborers the fast food workers and the people who are willing to do everything that educated white American's are not willing to do.

NAFTA is an agreement that allows for non-tariff trade between these three countries. G.W. has tried to influence economic policy by opening free trade with other countries both in Central and South America. Recently, a proposed treaty agreement with Colombia was rejected by the Senate (the body that has to ratify the agreement). NAFTA is one of the direct causes of an increase in illegal immigrants into this country.

The "therefore" to this is that in order to curb illegal immigration and worker protests and police violence is to repeal NAFTA. However, as this is politics, NAFTA and the agreements between countries is more complex than simply repealing the treaty agreement between the U.S., Canada, and Mexico.

Repealing NAFTA, though a nifty idea, is not a practical idea. Granted, many aspects of the treaty were negated by 9/11. We don't get to cross borders without a valid passport or birth certificate, we don't have open access to the other countries, and life is not easier, money more plentiful, and life better as a result. And yet, we grow more and more accustomed to NAFTA and as a result, we are averse to change.

The UN (United Nations) is another fiasco that we are so deeply entrenched in that we are not likely to get out of it. We host the main complex. We pay for the majority of the organization. Our armed forces comprise most of all UN peacekeeping forces. And in the end, we are merely a part of a larger body with a permanent seat on the Security Council. Our leaving the UN would eliminate our voice in international trade and politics; but without the involvement of the U.S. in the UN, the UN would cease to exist - over time.

Truth told, NPR is really an organization to share the minority voice. Mayday protests are primarily interesting to people who want to know about minority groups and groups that normally don't have a voice. There is a reason why NPR is considered to be more left than right, and certainly left of center on most subjects; they illustrate the plight of the working class, the poor, and the afflicted. As a result, the bleeding heart liberal is more likely (in my opinion) to enjoy most of NPR's programming than, say, the died in the wool conservative.

What NPR does do is share stories that have a hard human-interest angle to them. Like many other news outlets, they are a form of entertainment. If you want to know how the Housing Crisis is affecting (allegedly) average Americans, then you will not be disappointed. NPR will share information with you complete with audio on how people were duped, how they didn't think variable interest rates would hurt them, and how they only want to know they will have a place to live.

NPR also helps people realize that the working poor are hit the hardest in a crunch like we are seeing from increases in food prices to increases in prices at the pump to increases in travel costs and more. One of the conceits that NPR uses is to find someone who is loquacious and well spoken who can paint a verbal picture of the situation. Listening to the commentators, one would think that we are in a far worse situation now than we've ever been in before.

Or, if you want to hear about the Iraq conflict (yes, we are fighting a war, no, we have not declared it... thanks G.W.) then they have reporters on the ground who will speak to the military and to Iraqi's who are more than willing to share the perceived atrocities. And things continue to move forward.

Moving back to the Mayday protests, the thing that catches my ear more than anything else is that NPR shares aspects of the report made by the police commission investigating the force used to remove protestors; but NPR found and recorded and shared the people's voices who were alleged victims of the police brutality, the voices that claimed they didn't hear the order to leave, the same kinds of voices that rose up after Rodney King and claimed that police brutality is worse than it probably is.

Perception is everything. NPR creates a perception that everyone who at a specific level of economic income is being abused, that they are tormented, and that life is too difficult. More, NPR creates an illusion that what these people have to say, "Individual officers have to be held accountable," is truth, it is relevant, and it matters.

There are positive reasons to access multiple areas of news gathering. I enjoy NPR as an entertainment medium and as a source for some news. And yet, I find myself switching stations when all I hear is the minority voice.

John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West

Real Heroes Fly

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080430/ap_on_re_us/polygamist_retreat;_ylt=AkRr5kYpSK4c_feFYUK75C5vzwcF

Essentially, the basis for the removal of children at the FLDS compound was abuse of young and teenage girls. Though not public and possibly not conclusive, sexual and physical abuse has taken place on boys and girls, while the majority of teenage girls are pregnant - even though the FLDS spokesman keeps calling "Liar" and claiming some are actually adults. Regardless, these girls were pregnant before, the boys were not excepted from abuse, and the outcome is not religious persecution.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080430/ap_on_re_us/church_children_seized;_ylt=AlQvaxffmi53s7h2oJ7fNhFvzwcF

A man in New Mexico claims he's the returned Lord Jesus Christ AND he's admitted to having sexual relations with underage followers. Three children (two girls and a boy) with a fourth agreeing to speak to authorities have been removed from his compound.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080430/ap_on_re_us/fugitive_arrested;_ylt=AkiEdvGqS5_R8czl.lI7z5tvzwcF

A mom of three, 34 years later, has been caught and put in jail. Her husband of 23 years tells the press that this is tearing his family apart even though the woman walked out of a correctional facility at the age of 19 after serving less than one year of a 10 to 20 year sentence. She is currently being held in San Diego waiting for extradition to Michigan.

John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West

Real Heroes Fly

John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West

Real Heroes Fly

Truth told, writing that (and I write very quickly) took longer than the class period did, today.

However, we will get to do readings and assignments and practices and in the end, we will get to turn much of that in and get graded on it. The one thing I found interesting about the Logic class was how the professor decided to approach the first day: "How many of you are here preparing to take the LSAT?" Most of the class raised their hands and he followed that up with, "How many are going to take the LSAT soon?" Fewer hands this time, but still... the majority of students were there in preparation for the LSAT, which, interestingly enough, does not negate them also being there as Philosophy majors.

Erin has told me, in the past, that a large percentage of Philosophy majors intend to go into law. That disturbs me for some reason; and yet, I still want to take the Logic classes (did before the waving of second language requirement) and look forward to this exercise is Deductive and then Predicate Logics.

Actually, along those lines, we decided that I should take Predicate Logic in the summer rather than in the fall. The reason: scheduling. Since we will be having a child in the early part of the semester and since Erin is also trying to work on her Master's degree at Westminster College in Salt Lake City, having the time (in the late afternoon early evening) where I am not in class clears up some of what Erin needs so she can travel to school and I can take over baby responsibilities.

What I think I would like to accomplish is finding a non-BYU writing job that will let me work mornings before school (currently set aside for Erin to work after baby) that will also allow us the latitude to do the things we'd like to do. Truth told, this is the final stretch, I have a handful (actually a little more) of classes and then I am done with BYU. This is both bittersweet and happy all at the same time. I don't plan to walk, nor do I plan to arrange my life to walk, the school can mail me my diploma, and in the end, I will move on to the next steps and next stages as soon as I can when I am done. I am just saying, I would like to have something set up for work before the end of the year so I can transition, quickly, into the new job.

Regardless, I believe that things will be okay, we will get to move into the new courses of action and life will be wonderful. Along the way there will be hurdles and hardships. Having a child is only going to add to the need to coordinate and the stress associated with providing for a family. But, outside of all the negative things that one can associate with a new baby (e.g. cost and time) I understand that the unquantifiable benefits far outweigh the negatives and make for a good life.

And, it also influences me to want to find stable, good paying, employment for the long term. Crazy! I know.

John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West

Real Heroes Fly