StandingWater Creations

I applied for a freelance writer position the other day and was offered the spot. I start (on my own time) on Monday and get to purchase a USB enabled headset so I can call clients and speak to them through a VOIP system the company I will be working for offers. My work will take place between home and school and, given what they are paying me to do and should bring in (on the low side) $70.00 a project. That is an estimate... I am hoping for more work than enough to equal $70.00.

In part, the decision to go in this direction was driven by my (sometimes overriding) drive and desire to get paid to write. In part, the decision is generated out of my desire to head in the direction of more freelance work - even though I know, in advance, that this will mean changes in the way we (Erin and I) do our taxes. In part, it is an opportunity to make more money so we can pay bills and have some extra cash sitting around between paychecks. And in part, this is a result of my car being totaled by a complete stranger while it was parked innocently on the street waiting until I got in it next (most likely the next morning) and drove it to school or wherever - we can use the extra scratch to pay for the car and the money insurance is going to cost us, and etc.

Expecting a kid, child, baby also helps me look at different ways I can try and make money to pay for necessary things. Necessary things:

• diapers
• crib
• bottles
• car seat(s)
• stroller(s)
• clothing
• diaper bag(s)
• formula
• bassinet
• shotgun
• ...and more

Truth told, there are a lot of things we need to buy, prepare to buy, transport, and whatever. Sounds like Erin is getting a girlie diaper bag as a gift, but as I will have baby-duty quite a bit of the time (go figure, my child) we've talked about something slightly more masculine than feminine.

On top of that, there are different kinds of strollers out there for different purposes. As I was reading a book Rebecca sent us (something about killer deals on baby things) I noted that there are running strollers and hiking strollers and regular walking strollers (the kind you'd take to the mall or a store) and convertible strollers.

More, diapers come in a variety of sizes from P to N to 1 all the way up as a child grows out of infant to toddler stages. These are mostly denoted by weight of child, but consider that gender of child becomes important (probably more to the parents than said child since child is unaware of a lot of things) which means you look for gender specific diapers and clothing.

As an expectant father I find myself in the (not enviable) situation of changing the way in which I look at what I buy and what I drive; which means a functioning four door, midsize car isn't good enough (since my spending cap is either a) what I have to spend, or b) $2000.00) and that I need something safe, reliable, and comfortable which also significantly raises the price of the vehicles we are looking for.

With that, you can also begin to see changes in how I am approaching my future and potential career opportunities. Instead of being the perpetual semi-slacker (e.g. willing to change jobs at a moments notice, or quit when I no longer like, enjoy, or feel comfortable with a company), I am now looking for work that will be long term and stable in economic uncertainty.

This doesn't negate my desire and drive to write (fiction), it however tempers my willingness to leap off the, "I can make it as a writer of fiction," mentality that has overtaken me in the past. What is not negated, here, is a willingness to accept freelance work and, if possible, work as a freelance writer - though, the thought of that causes me to want to prepare for the future rather than accept whatever the world throws in my face.

The outcome of all this is not a change in direction - I am not stopping writing fiction; but an acceptance of the responsibility that comes with being a husband, father, breadwinner, and provider. Where I can step up (working two full-time jobs and going to school is not possible... heck one full-time job and school is not possible) I can take on more responsibility and work harder to make things easier for Erin, me, and baby (which makes three).

All of this is actually rather interesting... not because I didn't think getting married and jumping into the baby-making business wouldn't change me, but the changes that really are coming.

It is sudden in the fact that I am serious about getting done with school and will plow through the summer and my final semester. It is sudden in the fact that we are already starting to think and look toward other opportunities (e.g. Teach for America as a possibility). It is sudden in that we both think I am better off being a teacher than trying to find my happiness or peace or nirvana or whatever in the corporate world. It is sudden in that my car was totaled which expedited us going out and deciding that, "Yes," it is time for us to find a much newer car that is more comfortable and doesn't need the kind of work my car did.

It is sudden simply because it feels, some days, like the world is racing by me and I got stuck somewhere around age 16 and I am no more qualified to be in this situation than a hamster running the country (though, come to think of it, that might not be a bad idea).

I still have goals and directions, drives and passions, and I think the recent changes in my life are such that I can still pursue what (I believe) will make me (and Erin) happy in the long run.

John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West

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