Clarity of Purpose
So, I was offered a job yesterday at about the point I felt that I couldn't go to work one more day and continue working for the company I've spent the last 9 or so months working for. Its not that I dislike the company, I just felt that the time was right to decide to quit. When I voiced that desire to Erin, and she supported it, I received an email offering my a job on campus.
This actually started a lot of consternation last night. There were a couple of reasons for the consternation: First, I had an interview today that I thought might prove to turn into something; Second, I wasn't sure that I absolutely wanted to work where I was offered a job. I do want the job, but I didn't want to leap into something without knowing what I was leaping into.
Anyway, I stopped myself from responding to the email with anything and went to work.
At work, I was called into my managers office and he started reviewing my work habits for the last few weeks. We have been slammed (at work) for weeks now in part because the owners decided to take an aggressive approach to getting new customers and, as a result, had a 22% increase over the existing customer base of (approximately) 400,000. I don't feel like doing the math; but the outcome has been an enormous increase in the number of calls received because most of the calls come from brand new customers.
This is a company who relies (mostly) upon customers who become established and never call.
On top of that, the admins at the company decided to start a series of pretty big upgrades on all of the servers. There are several hundred servers and on any given day, many of those are being upgraded with all of the issues and problems that become associated with any change in software.
Anyway, four weeks ago this all started and the job became much more stressful. Four weeks ago I started to go down the road of classes, school (well, three weeks... but four weeks ago I could see the changes coming), and as a result my mind has been quite preoccupied and (unfortunately) studying and homework (and Spanish) has proved to become a secondary priority.
As school became more of a reality and the need to study, learn, and memorize (esp. Spanish) I've seen an internal struggle going on to be honest at work and to study and do what I need to do to get the grades I want.
On top of that Erin lost her job and, for a period of time, I could feel the weight of responsibility shift from her shoulders back on to mind - especially when pregnancy became one of our many realities. The outcome, for a period of time, was literally praying and hoping for some relief from the stress of this semester. I did not do as well last semester (in part) because I had to work more and regardless of need in other places my body still requires a lot more sleep than other people.
One of our goals, for a while now, has been to start going to be earlier at night. Currently, we go to bed a lot closer to midnight (esp. since I get done at work (this semester) at 10 and last semester at 11 p.m.) Midnight is not a great time for us to be thinking about going to bed when Erin has to get up to go to work and I need to get up to go to school, study groups (not my idea), and etc.
Anyway, the process I was going through last night would be non-reversible. As nice as it seems for someone to be "needed" within a company, I am not Steve Jobs nor do I run Apple and have the ability to make a massive turn-around of a company. Sure, yes, I understand that I have ideas and abilities that allow me to make changes if put in the right position; but as I am not interested in working for a call center that refuses to admit it is a call center, and as the company has (frequently) told me I would be moved and then not done it... I don't believe that I offer anything to this company that they want and feel they need.
So, I was sitting in my bosses office and discovered that I had not done (nearly) as well as I needed to. He wasn't talking to me to say, "We don't need you anymore," as the amount of work I have done (in the past) is still a benefit to the company. He was telling me that I needed to get to the point where I was doing more.
I sat there. I realized that the time had come. I had to choose. I had to decide right then what I was going to do. What was important to me? I could take the job on campus and focus on my schooling or I could stay at the company and not move in any direction. They were not going to promote me, they were not going to move me to an area I am better situated... more and more, all I heard was promises with no proof I would advance.
Anyway, I finally said, "I need to tell you something," and then proceeded to tell my manager that I needed to quit. I explained my reasoning and that I needed to focus on my education and that work was getting in the way of my time working on school and time with my wife.
At that point, I knew what I needed to do. I needed to reply to the email I got, tell my new boss that I would begin working for him and that I would meet in him Friday morning and then do what I had to do today (the interview).
You know, what gets me is that I have been so conditioned to interview as though I want every job I apply for and interview for to be one that I am offered. I want to walk away from an interview knowing that they want me even if I don't want the job. This is not to say that, as I sat there, the job didn't appeal to me on a variety of levels; but more along the lines that I just didn't want to have to think about what they were doing.
What came out of my mouth was, "Yes, I would be interested in this job," at the end of the interview when I was thinking, "Actually, I am less interested in what you are offering now than I thought I would be and, "No," please don't call me... pick someone who fits what you need better than me."
My telling a potential employer (esp. at BYU) that they should seriously consider another potential employee over me is not uncommon... and yet, I couldn't and didn't say that. I was pleasant, I spoke as though I wanted the job, I gave them answers that would cause them to sincerely bring me back for a second interview, and I thought, "I am happy I will be working for this other department," when they told me their time frame on interviews and when they planned to start making a decision (two more weeks).
The thing that got me was that when I told my manager what I would be doing everything cleared up for me. I asked, expecting to give a one week notice, "What would you like me to do?"
He said, "Can you give me a week?"
I said, "Yes."
He said, "Okay, the new employees come out on the floor on Wednesday."
What all of this means, since I don't work on Tuesday's, Monday is my last day of work.
John Hattaway | smokingpen | Alicia Grey | Clockwork Princess | Cassandra West
Real Heroes Fly