StandingWater Creations

What’s worse than how the movie starts is that it appears to be shot almost entirely on green screen and then really bad computer graphics put into place behind the actors. Therefore, you are on a tall building having a battle with a dozen bad guys and the outcome is you are looking over a city from way high up. Forget the wind (and there is wind on the top of a building), forget the impossibility of the fight sequences, the graphics were just bad. The very element that made, in my opinion, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (my review here) really good, graphics that were stylistically in line with the theme of the film, made this film almost unbearable.

And then you shouldn’t get me started on the deep throated voice that Milla Jovovich used throughout the movie. It didn’t work. She is attractive, and as such, should be complimented for being willing to do such a crap project and get paid for it, but at the same time, the audience was never taken out of the realm of reality and put into a place where poetic license could take over. There was a scene where she’s riding a motorcycle and starts to drive along the sides and up and down buildings. Yeah, it didn’t work. Especially with the CG that was used. IT REALLY DIDN’T WORK. I wish there was more ways to say it didn’t work. I think the only thing that kept me watching the movie, beyond an unrealistic expectation that sooner or later it would bore me to death and maybe I’d go to sleep, was the fact that Milla Jovovich is attractive even is the action scenes, the death scenes, and scenes where it is her against twelve, twenty, or 700 opponents and she’s the only one who comes away alive, don’t work.

The movie is crap. It’s not worth watching. It’s not worth watching on a dare. It’s not worth watching if you are dating someone you are hoping to make out with (or more, you know, whatever) after the movie and they insist, it’s not worth the time, the energy. And it’s certainly NOT worth the money that some studio put into the production. It is movies like this that make me wonder how movies really get made in Hollywood. Studios can’t be that stupid. They can’t look at a script, or get a spec, and then have the director and producer tell them their vision and not hear the word, “CRAP!” scream repeatedly in their head. I mean, I can’t sit through a trailer and not point out what will be good and what will be bad when it hits screens. You know, it’s just disappointing, to me, that crap gets made and then shunted onto the viewing audience and then to have studio execs and critics and actors lament because people refuse to go to the movies to watch the very crapfest that Hollywood is putting out.

If this is the kind of movie fare that is going to come out of Hollywood, I think I would rather go back to doing nothing, twiddling my thumbs, playing poker with the cockroaches, rather than wasting my time and hard earned money on a ticket to the movies. Granted, Ultraviolet is probably an exception, and like I said, I was trying to go to sleep, but the outcome is still crap and it was probably crap from conception to implementation and everyone knew it and chose to ignore it. Seems that happens a lot.